Plastic Jesus Trad and Anon Original 'Cool Hand Luke' version sung by Paul Newman
Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes,
Long as I have my plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all trials and tribulations, We will travel every nation,
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.
{Refrain}
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus, Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all trials and tribulations, We will travel every nation,
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.
I don't care if it rains or freezes
As long as I've got my Plastic Jesus glued to the dashboard of my car,
You can buy Him phosphorescent, glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant,
Take Him with you when you're travelling far
I don't care if it's dark or scary, Long as I have magnetic Mary
Ridin' on the dashboard of my car
I feel I'm protected amply I've got the whole damn Holy Family
Riding on the dashboard of my car
You can buy a Sweet Madonna, Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a
Pedestal of abalone shell
Goin' ninety, I'm not wary 'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary
Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell
I don't care if it bumps or jostles Long as I got the Twelve Apostles
Bolted to the dashboard of my car
Don't I have a pious mess such a crowd of holiness
Strung across the dashboard of my car
No, I don't care if it rains or freezes, long as I have my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
But I think he'll have to go his magnet ruins my radio
And if we have a wreck he'll leave a scar
Riding through the thoroughfare with his nose up in the air
A wreck may be ahead, but he don't mind
Trouble coming, he don't see, He just keeps his eyes on me
And any other thing that lies behind
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus, Riding on the dashboard of my car
Though the sun shines on his back Makes him peel, chip, and crack
A little patching keeps him up to par
When pedestrians try to cross ,I let them know who's boss
I never blow my horn or give them warning
I ride all over town Trying to run them down
And it's seldom that they live to see the morning
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car
His halo fits just right and I use it as a sight
And they'll scatter or they'll splatter near and far
When I'm in a traffic jam, He don't care if I say Damn
I can let all sorts of curses roll, Plastic Jesus doesn't hear
For he has a plastic ear
The man who invented plastic saved my soul
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car
Once his robe was snowy white Now it isn't quite so bright
Stained by the smoke of my cigar
God made Christ a Holy Jew, God made Him a Christian too
Paradoxes populate my car
Joseph beams with a feigned élan From the shaggy dash of my fur lined van
Famous cuckold in the master plan
Naughty Mary, smug and smiling Jesus dainty and beguiling
Knee-deep in the piling of my van
His message clear by night or day My phosphorescent plastic Gay
Simpering from the dashboard of my van
When I'm goin' fornicatin I got my ceramic Satan
Sinnin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home
The women know I'm on the level
Thanks to the wild-eyed stoneware devil
Ridin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home
Sneerin' from the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home
Leering from the dashboard of my van
If I weave around at night, And the police think I'm tight
They'll never find my bottle, though they ask
Plastic Jesus shelters me, For His head comes off, you see
He's hollow, and I use Him for a flask
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus, Riding on the dashboard of my car
Ride with me and have a dram Of the blood of the Lamb
Plastic Jesus is a holy bar
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